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Siege Engines: Not just for the Holidays Anymore

Here is a fun tongue in cheek article by J. B. Thomas and the whole Thomas family.

 

Christmas tree siege engineI'm sure many of you, like me, while taking your siege engine ornaments off your Holiday trees, asked yourselves, "Why can't I display these all year round?" And though our family motto is "Nothing says Christmas like a Catapult," 1 it is time the machinery that made it possible to storm the castle 2 received their rightful places throughout our homes throughout the year.

While it's easy to display them on the mantle or coffee table of our own homes 3 (just remove the screw eyes), how do we 'storm the castles' of our friends and relatives? Why, Gift Giving, of course. There are two easy ways to do this.

 

Thee siege enginesFirst, candy colors. Replace the red and green candies in the trebuchet with colors that match the current occasion. For Valentine's Day, two red candies (Nothing says Love like a Trebuchet). Two green candies for St. Patrick's Day (Nothing says Irish like... ). Orange and brown for Halloween and Thanksgiving. You get the idea.


Second, school affiliations. Besides school colors for the trebuchet candies, add the logo of the gift recipient's school to the battering ram roof or the front of the siege tower (picture 3). If you are really ambitious, or really want to impress her, paint the equipment with her school colors. I wish I had taken a picture of her face when I presented three green and white siege engines to my now ex-girlfriend for her birthday. 4 So start building 5 . One last warning, though. Be sure they don't already have one.


1 Replaced the previous family motto, "If you can't hit a relative with a counterweight propelled projectile, who can you hit?" after the Great Tragedy of 2012. Family members, including pets, should wear safety glasses.

2 Catchy phrase, eh?

3 Unless, of course, you live with someone.

4 Sorry, no picture. Those particular items were destroyed in the ensuing battle.


5 Building tip: If you are going to use a logo, it is recommended you get the sticker or decal BEFORE you start building so you can properly plan the scale. Otherwise, you could end up taping printouts like the idiot who made the ones in picture 2. I suppose it all really depends on how much you like the potential recipient.

 


 

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